Who I am today is not necessarily who I will be tomorrow. You really ought to just get used to that. Granted, the intrinsic basics of my character and personality may not change quite that swiftly, but know this: if anyone has met me in the past month or two, he or she does not know me at all. Even those freshmen on my floor who seen more of who I am and heard more of the ranting way my mind works lately – they only know who I have been this fall.
“I see you going back and forth between three different people right now. The person you used to be, the person you are becoming, and the functional you who just gets through the day sometimes. . . . I don’t want you to be distracted from finishing what you’ve started.”
That is a (probably not quite verbatim) quote from my roommate. She is one of the two people who probably know me best right now.
I’m certainly different than I was two years ago, even one year ago. I’ve been through more, endured more, learned more about my faults. Perhaps I’ve learned too much about my faults. But overall, I’ve changed. We all change, of course, but the real trouble is when you can’t quite figure out who you are now — or how far away you are from who you ought to be.
And so, we come back to the unfortunate truth that I’m not quite one steady person right now.
All I know is, I’m working on it. And yes, yes I do know that I ought not be working on it alone — I’m working on that as well (see: last entry.) I’m working on it, and I think things are starting to look up. I’ve had a few days recently where I’ve felt more like myself than I have in awhile — been around a few people who have had the same effect.
So we’ll just have to see then, see if I can’t become the one person I’m meant to be right now, instead of, oh, eight.